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This Is Not My Mind

by Amalia Juliane

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1.
So Far 03:51
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Stifle a cough For months at a time While you smile at the air With your hand in mine I just want you here nearby Tugging at my lungs til I sigh You let me close my eyes Take a breath while we still have air Your fingers in my hair Now I’m melting into your arm Shielded away from harm Knowing the rest is still far, still so Far from the crowd We’re laughing out loud You hide your head In my neck like you can’t be found I just want you here nearby Tugging at my lungs til I sigh You let me close my eyes Take a breath while we still have air Your fingers in my hair Now I’m melting into your arm Shielded away from harm Knowing the rest is still far, still so Far, so far So far
2.
I Don't Feel 03:33
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It's strange When the water starts getting close to the ceiling It's strange That I'm getting used to this drowning feeling But I don't feel like starting over, no I don't feel, I don't feel I don't feel like starting over, no I don't feel, I don't feel This change It was never something they said would be easy This change When you're close enough to the shore But you swam too deep But I don't feel like starting over, no I don't feel, I don't feel I don't feel like starting over, no I don't feel, I don't feel I fell down into a hole I found I felt whole until you put me down I fell down into a hole I found I felt whole until you put me down But I don't feel like starting over, no I don't feel, I don't feel I don't feel like starting over, no I don't feel, I don't feel, I don't feel
3.
Not My Mind 03:06
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Anticipatory grieving I hate that I have human feelings Can’t afford to pay attention And now I’m like your promises, I’m broken It’s not my mind It’s not my mind It’s not my mind Why should you tell me you’re leaving If I’m just a fly on the ceiling Spreading my happiness far as I can But I’m spreading myself awful thin It’s not my mind It’s not my mind It’s not my mind It’s not me, this is not my mind It’s not me, this is not my mind It’s not me, cause this is not my mind This is not, this is not This is not my mind This is not my mind…
4.
Space 06:01
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I guess the days ain’t as hot as they used to be I opened my eyes, turned around It all changed to me I don’t feel the same since you gave me too much space I know that I did nothing wrong, I just got lost somewhere along Tried to implore you to stop Before you shut the door Grasping at threads I held on Oh but they just tore Trying getting by but you never gave me the time So I’m still stuck, stuck in this place Since you gave me too much space Breathing the air of silence for once Since I’ve forgotten how to stop And as I asked you for a reason why You told me that I held on too tight
5.
You're In Your Hell 03:55
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I didn’t know what I came here for I didn’t know I wanted to feel so small You’re in your hell and I’m in mine You’re in your hell and I’m in mine I take it personally some people just exist I didn’t know it would get right back to this But you’re in your hell and I’m in mine You’re in your hell and I’m in mine You’re in your hell and I’m in mine You’re in your hell and I’m in mine I want to be different but you’re all the same I want it to hurt when you hear my name I want to be different but you’re all the same I want it to hurt when you hear my name You’re in your hell, I’ll be in mine You’re in your hell and I’m in mine You’re in your hell and I’m in mine You’re in your hell and I’m in mine
6.
Drown 04:52
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(One, two, three…) Breathing nothing Slow motion tumbling Silent entry Nobody told me Usual drowning, head so crowded I am sinking, stop my thinking Stop pretending that I’m mending Lights receding, now I’m pleading Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah (x4) Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah, aaah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah, aaah (x4) Push my head under the water Feel it grow hotter and hotter Push my head under the water Feel it grow hotter and hotter Push my head under the water Feel it grow hotter and hotter Push my head under the water Feel it grow hotter and hotter Push my head under the water Feel it grow hotter and hotter Push my head under the water Feel it grow hotter and hotter…
7.
Turnaround 02:11
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Can’t go to sleep no more I got a headache and I’m trying to unclench my jaw And I don’t feel like feeling anymore Sit down and close the door Look for the t-shirt that I buried on my bedroom floor And I try not to drown right on the shore I turn around and I ignore I turn around and I ignore Sometimes it’s crumbling down And all the while I’m getting further away from the ground and I Don’t wanna see myself no more Please help me turn around I guess I’m not the only one who’s got their hands all bound And I try not to drown right on the shore I turn around and I ignore I turn around and I ignore I turn around and I ignore I turn around

credits

released December 8, 2022

This is my first record, I wrote some of these songs as early as the age of 16 up to several months before it was recorded in early 2021. Sometimes human experiences can make you feel detached from your own mind, maybe this music can be a reminder that we are still here. Love you :)

Amalia Brueckheimer: Vocals, Acoustic and Electric Guitar, Banjo, Keyboard, Dulcimer
Joe Ippolito: Electric Guitar, Modular Synthesizer, Pedals
Danny Eberle: Drums
Tom Giuzio: Electric Bass
Jonah Pomerantz: Acoustic Bass
Rainer Brueckheimer: Cello

All music and lyrics written by Amalia Brueckheimer
Produced by Joe Ippolito and Amalia Brueckheimer
Mixed & Engineered by Joe Ippolito
Mastered by Austin Zaff

Album art by Florence Sullivan

Released on Label of Goods June 26th, 2022

Tapes can be ordered through the Label of Goods Bandcamp or bought from me at a show!
labelofgoods.bandcamp.com/album/this-is-not-my-mind

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Amalia Juliane Brooklyn, New York

Amalia Juliane is a vocalist, multi-instrumentalist, songwriter and improviser based and raised in Brooklyn, NYC

amaliajuliane.com

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